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JacobShelton Male Seattle, United States: BaronShelton; Share

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Videos (3)

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Latest Activity

JacobShelton added 3 songs.

07 These Are The Fables 1

09 Swallow Tattoo

16 St. James Infirmary Blues

Nov. 21, 2007

JacobShelton added 4 songs.

03 Horrorshow

06 Let's Get Out Of This Country 1

06 Make Out Fall Out Make Up

07 Felt Tip

Nov. 21, 2007

JacobShelton added 4 songs.

01 Black Mirror

01 What Ever Happened_

2-05 Lowlands Low (Bryan Ferry & Ant

2-09 Avril 14th

Nov. 20, 2007

Profile

Where I Live: Seattle Underground

Relationship Status:: In a Relationship, It's Complicated, Stalker, Obsessed

Mental Status: My parole officer says it would be best if I stopped telling people...especially at the top of my voice on crowded city streets. And if I should against my (read her) better judgement choose to do so then to please for god's sake put on some pants. She has this thing for pants. It's pretty weird.

Favorite Music:: Good...you know. Music. Good music. I generally don't like it if it's bad. Kind of broad I know, but so's the question.

Favorite Comic(s): I like a few pervert suit comics, but mostly not. I like writers. Warren Ellis, Garth Ennis, Neil Gaiman, Alan Moore, Kurt Busiek, Mike Mignola, Frank Miller, Roman Dirge, Kieron Gillen...those types.

Favourite Book(s): Anything by Kafka, Dumas, Sabatini, John Milton, Donne and Reverte. I like a lot of Neil Gaiman and Neal Stephenson and China Mieville. Terry Pratchett once made me laugh so hard that the other people on the bus stared at me like I had lobsters crawling out of my fucking ears which is impressive as the guy sitting in front of me actually did have something crawling out of his ears. Warren Ellis achieved much the same thing during certain portions of Crooked Little Vein. I once heard reading Henry James was not dissimilar to watching a drunken elephant try to pick up a pea with its trunk. I think this is overly kind. I don't know, I just like lots of stuff....

My Plans For The Future: I'm going to the grocery store to pick up dinner in a few minutes. After that I may cook what I have purchased and eat it. Or maybe not. These mundane tasks finished, I plan to raise an army of Zombie Monkeys which I will use to take control of Norway. Or not. Things are kinda up in the air right now.

JacobShelton's Photos

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JacobShelton's Videos

The Creatures Godzilla Added by JacobShelton
Mad Max Trailer With Motorhead Soundtrack Added by JacobShelton
Razzle Dazzle, The Collins Kids Added by JacobShelton

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JacobShelton's Blog

MOO-HOO-HA-HAAA!

I'm at work. They have left a half full keg in the back office. I have my iPod routed through that DMX whore box and am listening to the White Stripes. Despite absence of my girlfriend, things have taken on a shiny new quality. Now, as long as nobody fucks with me this could be a passably enjoyable evening.

Posted on August 25th, 2007 at 4:32am — No Comments (Add)

Violence in the workplace...

I really don't want to be here today. My maintenance manager came and asked me for a sign to please keep some goddamn door or another closed (because, for some goddamn reason, he couldn't type a full sentence). So, armed with a rather jaunty font I wrote "Please keep the fucking door closed or I swear to christ I will rip of your skin and use it as a condom...to skull fuck your mother to death. Thank-you" I printed it off and handed it to him. Surprisingly, he laughed his ass off and hung it on… Continue

Posted on August 24th, 2007 at 12:18am — 2 Comments (Add)

Things I am, and am not

So, as I've said earlier, I do not reside in Seattle's underground. I am , however a Baron...'course I'm a Baron who is about as financially well heeled as our colorful local street urchines, but Baron none the less. It was a birthday present from a friend. I recieved all sorts of titles and documents saying that I am now, as of right then, a fucking baron of? Anybody? That's right, Sealand. That r…

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Posted on August 23rd, 2007 at 4:10am — No Comments (Add)

Llamas intestines, yeah, you heard me right...

This miserable cum garling monkey whore of a system just lost a fucking post that took me long enough that I am not going to goddamn well repeat it. It was witty, erudite…all that crap. But what you get NOW is me hurling fucking abuse at this horrid rats asshole of a thing…website…which I will continue to use but my blog posts will be written, and listen closely, ‘cause this might be important for a few of you, SOMEWHERE THE FUCK ELSE BEFORE COPYING AND PASTING THEM IN THIS FOETID MIRE OF LLAMA… Continue

Posted on August 22nd, 2007 at 9:35pm — 2 Comments (Add)

Photo

Seems I do in fact have a photo of myself...not the most terribly fucking flattering photo, but one actually of me. See? Some rest for the fucking wicked...

Posted on August 22nd, 2007 at 7:40pm — No Comments (Add)

Comment Wall (7 comments)

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At 3:50am on October 6th, 2007, JacobShelton said…: "And the Ass Saw the Angel" is listed under the employee favorties (or was a few days ago) at Elliott Bay Books...I do love this town sometimes.

At 6:35am on August 26th, 2007, Dana Broe said…: Actually... Springer WOULD be a better president. I mean... The guy who invented the pet rock would be better than the current asshat, but seriously... Springer... when he's not whoring himself out for cash isn't such a bad intellect.

At 5:24pm on August 25th, 2007, Ben Templesmith said…: Hey Jacob, if ytou do end up sending a pic, it can easily go in the back of one of my books if you want.

At 4:01am on August 22nd, 2007, Jason James said…: No worries, Jacob. I fucking cuss like a goddamn sailor all the time.

Besides, I fucking know who my friends are. Even the mysterious ones. Thanks for stopping by.

JJ

At 10:18pm on August 21st, 2007, JacobShelton said…: I'm not sure...but I bet there's someone. Someone evil. Like, Hitler evil. That's the only kind of evil that could deny Francoise as the love-goddess Gallic queen almighty. Just figured out the differencebetween posting comments and blog entries. Sometimes, goat help me, I'm just not that smart. Yeah, not a typo, I said goat. It's as logical as any fucking other thing...

At 3:48am on August 15th, 2007, JacobShelton said…: So, in the picture, I'm the one with the hat. This is not because I'm over one hundred years old and Tenniel used me as a model for the mad hatter. Nor is it that I look anything like the mad hatter or even that Arthur Rackham met with me to use my likeness in his artistic rendering of said hatter. It is simply because I cannot find any photographs of myself on my computer, my camera is out of batteries and I can't find the damn a/c cord and I am thoroughly, miserably fucking ill and cannot be bothered with getting more batteries....So until such time as one of these things can be accomplished please enjoy the singular talent of Mr. Rackham and, below this Francoise Hardy. The scantily deshabiller, cabaret chic, French chanteuse singing auf Deutsch.